For the last three months or so I've had this post on my heart. But life has been getting in the way of blogging recently and it's a rarity that I feel like blogging when I lay down.
I haven't written a post like this in a long time.. And God knows I haven't been in the word consistently for months now. But I'm glad that doesn't stop Jesus from speaking to me and constantly opening my eyes to things that they constantly need opening up too.
Friends, For the first three months of pregnancy I was struggling with ungratefulness. I was struggling so much with what I didn't have and I didn't focus on the wonderful things I did have.
Maybe It has to do with the emotions from pregnancy or just being an easy target for the enemy to steal my joy because of exhaustion and not keeping up on God's word. But God is always fighting for me and has been The Word to me and reminding me of The Word when I'm way tired to read it myself.
I have been in want lately. As exciting as my life is right now with my beautiful daughter constantly making me smile, a hard working, loving husband and our new precious baby on the way I wasn't happy with where I was in life. We're still renting a townhouse after almost three years of marriage.
By now I thought Leon and I would own my dream house with all of my dream furniture and decor. And it has been hard for me to watch other moms in blogger/pinterest/instagram raising their happy children in their beautiful pinterest worthy homes and then here I am in the townhouse we're renting with old furniture. I was really in need of a heart change.
Recently I was on instagram going through a friend's page who recently had a house built for her and her family. I was so excited for her but at the same time I wanted to be in her shoes. I prayed and told Jesus I wanted what she had and as always He has the best comebacks.
"Stop focusing on improving and gaining treasures here on earth when you have treasures to be stored in Heaven".
After He spoke to me so many things in my heart came to light. I was so focused on things I wanted in my life here on earth that what I want in Heaven hasn't even crossed my mind.
If you were to ask me before why I wanted a big nice house with the latest trends and furniture I would have told you because I want my children to have the best...
But I see now that maybe that's not the whole case. Maybe I wanted what I thought was the best. Maybe I wanted everyone I knew to love where I lived. Maybe it's ungratefulness and maybe it's pride as well.
Maybe I was thinking these things and desiring these things with my children's best interest at heart but what I was really giving them is a ungrateful mama. And even though I didn't realize it I was planting ungrateful seeds in their lives. By being ungrateful I was teaching my daughter to be ungrateful by telling Leon how I wasn't satisfied right in front of her.. Maybe we do teach our kids how to sin?
I'm so grateful that God has opened my eyes and I'm so glad that He continues to show me things that need to be seen in my life. I never in a million years want my kids to look back at their mama and remember me as the mom who always wanted more in her earthly kingdom but instead I want a legend that demonstrates these two verses.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.-Matthew 6:19-21
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. -Matthew 6:33
I don't want to give my children everything here on earth and I don't want their happiness and love for me to be based on that. But instead I want to give them the things that can't be stolen, or ruined or become old. I want to plant in them the desire to seek after God's Kingdom and His Righteousness. Because treasures here on earth can only fulfill for a time but God's treasures can fulfill for eternity. And that's where our desire is.
So my friends, I see my dream home a little differently now.. It's no longer a huge kitchen, with gorgeous furniture, and a beautiful back yard. Those things are nice but like Matthew says these things will eventually wither away and Lord knows furniture will ruin even faster with kids. But instead my dream house now is the house my Father has prepared for me and it's my favorite Home!
Friends if you have been struggling like I have I deeply encourage you to soak up this song.
Remember that it's impossible to have an ungrateful heart when your hands are lifted high.
Much love to you all!
