Pregnant with waiting for God's best.

 

My daughter is two months old now.. However I've had this post on my heart for a while now because ever since I experienced my last pregnancy with Liya I've had such a heart for pregnant moms. Especially with kids already.. 

When that clear blue pregnancy test confirmed "Pregnant" and the five ones after that made it official. I was so excited. Words couldn't even express. I was laughing, crying, daydreaming and I couldn't wait to actually show my  baby bump!

I'd sit around thinking about how small the baby is right now. I thought about how tiny her fingers and toes were. And then about a week later I remembered what pregnancy actually felt like.

I did.. I forgot what pregnancy felt like... Either that or my pregnancy with Evelynne was a walk in the park compared to my pregnancy with Liya. But considering I lost over thirty pounds puking my everything out with Evelynne.. I somehow doubt that. 

About a week after I found out I was pregnant I already started feeling tired and so sick. I wanted to know who on earth decided that eggs could be food and what were they thinking?! 

I found myself hugging the toilet several times a day. Not  washing my hair for five days and sleeping in the same clothes as long as I could because I didn't even have the energy to change or wash clothes for that matter.

Then you hit the second trimester.. You're still super tired however food went from being your worst enemy to your best friend.. And then you find yourself wanting Chick fil a, Five guys and Mexican food all in one sitting. And other then having to pee every five minutes things are going great. 

And finally the third Trimester. You're huge and you feel like a whale. At least I did. And you want to sleep all the time and you just want to be done.You're tired, wobbly, swollen, achy and that pregnancy tired brain is worse than a lack of sleep brain.

And then you finally know why you went through with pregnancy.

It is amazing how 7 pounds and 12 ounces can change your life. And how seeing that cute little beauty and holding her for the first time makes all those times of sleepless nights, uncomfortably, and all those times you couldn't even keep a cracker down worth it.

Experiencing this pregnancy while going through a season of waiting for the life and purpose God has put our family on this earth for  has helped me see pregnancy in a new light and could even relate it together.

Carrying a baby is a lot like carrying a purpose . . .It's like holding a dream. A calling and waiting for it to come to pass.

 It’s not  easy. It's painful and sometimes it makes us feel really sick to our stomachs. 

At times the load feels too heavy to carry and sometimes we can’t even see where we are going anymore thanks to the fact that we no longer can  see our feet and honestly, my sense of direction is so horrible when I'm pregnant.

However, It's during that time when we think to ourselves that we just can't make it. When the enemy tries to feed us lies telling us "All this hard work is for nothing"  And "All this will end out badly with disappointment and broken hearts" And it's when we think that we can  no longer do this, that we realize we can.

We live to fight another day, another month and months after that. God guides the way. Giving us His rest, His comfort and His strength. Our days turn into weeks.. Weeks turn into months... and before you know it our purpose grows and our labor produces harvest.

And finally we're holding that blessing. That promise. And we're finding that it was all very worth it!

I know quite a bit of you are pregnant now. And maybe some of you are carrying a burden, or waiting for the promise and the calling God has placed upon your life like my husband and I are. 

We are in the process of being released to be in full time Ministry. Yep, that means we'll be saying goodbye to the cop life and doing Ministry together as a family. We've been waiting for a while now however, I feel it in my heart that we're getting closer and closer to that time when God says "Now" and provides. 

It certainly is a pain waiting isn't? We just want it handed to us. And it feels like the pain is going to last forever. But this shall pass. Because that's what God promises.

It's not going to be easy. When you're running for the great stuff the process getting there is never a walk in the park. But it takes hard work and sometimes the hardest thing to do is wait. 

You're going to have days when you're done and you don't want to go any further and you just want to give up and stay in bed.. But you can't. You gotta fight for that blessing. You can do this because God has given you what it takes to do so. He has given you Himself and All He is.

So on days when you don't feel like you can take the pain of pregnancy/life/waiting practice confidence. Practice boldness and hold out your arms. They might feel empty today but later in God's perfect timing the seed you have sown today in your hard labor will bare much fruit and God's gonna hand you the blessing and babe, It's gonna rock your universe!

“Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning!”

Psalm 30:5

Lets have coffee.

It really has been a while since I've just poured my heart out on here.. It's been pretty chilly in December so what better place to go then out for coffee??

If we were having some Starbucks coffee together, I'd order a grande (maybe venti?) white peppermint Mocha and one of those cute little snowman cookies! Those little delights look almost too pretty to eat but they're way to delicious to resist.

I would ask how your weekend went? And if you've finished your Christmas shopping?

I would encourage you not to stress about getting everything done and making sure everything looks perfect. I would encourage you not to stress out about financial things and just do what you can.

I would tell you that even if Leon and I did have the money to go completely overboard with Evelynne for Christmas as in spending hundreds of dollars on her alone I honestly don't think we would. Leon and I have agreed to buy all of our children one thing they want, one thing they need, something to wear and something to read. I have such a desire to teach Evelynne to serve so I really want to focus on serving with her this Christmas season and every day for that matter. Even if it's just handing cookies to our neighbors.

I would tell you that I'm so excited for this new chapter in life we're in! Our season of being a family of three is coming to an end and shortly (just a couple weeks) we'll be a family of four! I feel so ready and yet, so not ready. I feel like I was much more prepared with Evelynne in fact, I had my hospital bag packed two months before Evelynne's due date and I have yet to still pack my hospital back and I'm due in two weeks... But hey, I did pack the diaper back and our house is officially baby ready! Evelynne loves putting her baby in the baby swing. I'm so excited to see her in Big sister action.

I would tell you that yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life as I got to witness my amazing husband Leon become a licensed Pastor.  I always knew I'd be a Pastors Wifey and It's been prophesied over him since he was a child. Soon he'll be able to be a Pastor at the Church full time and I will gladly kiss the police badge goodbye! I'm ready to minister as a family and speaking life into peoples lives. We're ready to pick up our crosses and follow Him whose love is captivating. I'm so excited that we'll be able to be a real family soon and Evelynne and Liya will be able to spend time with there daddy more that twenty four hours a week if that. 


I would tell you that this coming year I finally want to start my "Little Beloved" Business. I'll be starting out small and work my way up and it's so exciting. I'll be crocheting kid scarves and as the business gets bigger I'll probably add more merchandise. And to make it even more exciting I plan on using some of the money to start a ministry of blessing young moms/parents. Such as surprising an exhausted new mom with a Starbucks gift card, new parents with take out gift cards, and just randomly dropping diapers off their house. I'd also love to start a mommy group. 2015 is a good year to start! I would say now but we only have a few more weeks to go of 2014 *gasp! And honestly, these days have not been super productive.

If I were having coffee with you I would tell you that I've felt so dry lately.. Like I'm in a desert dry land. I've felt this way on and off through out my whole pregnancy and I've often wondered why? I know it's an attack of the devil however, I'm believing that it's going to cause me to have a new and even stronger hunger for Christ that will light a flame brighter than I have ever carried.. There's been a lot of worship music playing at my house because I refuse to go by the way I feel and it's much easier to stay in the presence when worship is on. I know this is only for a season and I'll come out so much stronger.

This is what I would tell you if I were having coffee with you. What would you tell me?